You can’t make this stuff up

On the weekend, B.C.’s Ministry of Energy and Mines posted a pretty audacious media release urging British Columbians to “Stuff your stockings with B.C. coal”.

The release paints an awkward holiday picture complete with a Festivus Pole, explaining how everything holiday related somehow has a connection to coal.

Minister Bennett ends the release by saying that “no matter the product or where it was made, it probably wouldn’t exist without B.C. coal.”

Honestly – you can’t make this stuff up! But we did, however, make up the following letter as we laughed about how such a stunt may have been conceived.

HONOURABLE Bill Bennett
MINISTER OF ENERGY AND MINES
PO BOX 9060 STN PROV GOVT
VICTORIA BC V8W 9E3

Hey there old buddy,

As you know, we’ve been having a bit of a rough year and we thought maybe you could do us a solid for the holidays. Would you mind sending out a news release reminding everyone there would be no Christmas without B.C. coal? You know, because you need steel for iPads and cars and shopping malls. Isn’t it so annoying that people forget about how there’s steel in everything…

We know this would cost taxpayers a pretty penny, but we figure our donations to you and your party in the last election would more than make up for the cost. And to save time, we’ve gone ahead and written up the release for you!

You don’t think taxpayers will notice the Ministry of Energy and Mines is promoting mining, not regulating it, do you?

Anyway, we really could use any help we can get right now with the tanking price of metallurgical coal. It was a real bummer having to close down that mine and cancel some planned expansions, but it’s okay, the folks there will totally understand. Executive end-of-year bonuses, you know what I’m saying? Ha ha.

The real problem is “global warming.” Pfft. We’re really getting a bad rap with “climate change” and “air pollution” “killing people” in Asia, yadda, yadda, yadda…

We know we don’t have to tell you, but it’s like, Hello, people! There’s no alternative to coal when it comes to making steel! Except, of course, recycling… but where’s the money fun in that?!

Sneak in a cheery note for B.C coal, would ya?

High fives and all the best from your pals at,

The Coal Alliance & Teck Industries

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